


For Living

by Senxvi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance, Depression, Group Hugs, I love Keith in this, I'm not romantizing depression, Lance gets help from the squad, M/M, Mental Illness Awareness, They all share an apartment, honestly this is a vent, ramen is great too right?, squad goals, this is really sweet, voltron squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senxvi/pseuds/Senxvi
Summary: Lance, suffering from high functioning depression, is college boy living in a studio apartment with his buddies Hunk, Shiro, Keith and Pidge. He follows a strict schedule of Study, eat, sleep, without any regards to his mental and physical health.He breaks down and the squad is here to listen to him.





	For Living

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy :)

**"The hardest part is waking up feeling so depressed you can't find any reason why living is worth it" – senxvi**

Lance shared a studio apartment with four of his close friends Hunk, Keith, Pidge and Shiro.

The apartment was decently big and they all slept in the same room on their own twin sized mattresses that were on the floor.

It was inexplicably way better than spending seven thousand dollars on his own apartment in New York City. Sharing was the least of his worries.

He had currently woken up from his afternoon nap.

Except Lance's naps weren't naps, he fell into fifteen hour coma's and woke up to eat and then continued with an extra six hour coma.

One thing was for sure, Lance couldn't stand being awake. He hated being conscious and he hated college more than he hated high school.

Although, He liked his major a lot. He was studying to become an Engineer. Ever since he was a young twig of a boy he could remember screaming 'I WANT TO BE A ROCKET SCIENTIST!!' At the top of his lungs.

He was still laying down and he realized his friends weren't home. They usually didn't disturb his sleep and sometimes they leave him food in the fridge.

Lance only ever got up to eat and study. His grades were perfect. If they weren't then he'd never allow himself to sleep. He had to have good grades.

so, all in all, nothing was wrong. Or so he thought..

The deep despair within his thoughts barely let Lance breathe around large groups of people properly, yet, he refused to acknowledge how he felt inside.

He had a strict schedule, Go to his 5 hour long lectures, write down everything, rewrite any notes, study, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, study, sleep until the next day.

Nothing broke his schedule unless it was a family emergency or if Shiro forced him to eat out with the group. Which would be so horrible because he'd just feel so bad that he couldn't feel happy enough to enjoy time out with people who obviously care.

"Fuck." He thought as he got up to check the fridge. Nothing was in there. His head felt heavy making him feel incredibly dizzy.

He sat down on the one couch they had in the living area.

 _He stared at nothing_.

Vicious depression raining down on his head, he had no idea why he was this bad.

He has no reason to feel this way.

One thought did stick out the most .. that he was alone.. but he was always alone.. even in a huge group of people he still fell _extremely_ alone.

He sat there with his arms dangling down with no energy to reach toward anything.

As pathetic as it sounded he really wasn't hungry, he'd have to see food for his stomach to even signal that he was hungry.

Lance teared up, feeling so pathetic. 'Cook something. Anything.' He thought to himself.

suddenly he just ran questions through his head over and over as if doing so would get the answers.

_What are my fucking goals in life?_

_Where is the place that I belong?_

_Where should I be and why should I be there?_

_Am I Enough to be there?_

_Do I belong anywhere?_ _and why do I belong there?_

 

He inhaled sharply and stood up as fast as he could, ignoring the sharp dizziness he triggered by standing too quickly.

He thought of him... Keith, the dimwit Korean with a cute face. He was always yelling at Lance to get the fuck up and to eat.

Lance used his energy to look around and see if there was anything to cook.

As he looked around he really felt how strained his vision was becoming.

Keith gave him energy, Keith is just electrifying, and he's the reason why he hasn't lost his shit in his college studies.

He stood there.. in the kitchen area.. wondering how to run away from everything but then realizing there's no point in running away.

His depression would always follow him.

He heard the apartment door open.

"Hey Lance I got some of that spicy Korean Ramen you like on my way back from my lecture do you-" Keith paused.

"Lance?" Keith asked curiously realizing that Lance was actually on another planet.

He looked so out of it, the bags under his eyes were living proof. He sighed. "Not feeling well?"

Lance looked at him tiredly and shook his head.

"Why?" Keith asked, actually wondering but accidentally sounding a little annoyed instead of concerned.

Lance looked at Keith, then to the ground, "I ask myself the same question, man."

Keith walked towards Lance in the kitchen area and put his hand on his shoulder. "Let's eat?"

"Yeah, let's eat." Lance said in a shaky voice.

Keith wasn't one to poke into Lance's private thoughts but sometimes he just wanted to understand how Lance could be so successful at his studies but have such a horrifying mental illness fighting him.

Keith had his faults as well, he wasn't going to say he didn't. Keith would never put someone down, especially because he takes medication for his own disorder.

Lance was boiling water to pour into the ramen cups.

Keith wanted to say something But didn't know how to say it... but he blurted it out anyways. "Are you depressed or what?"

Lance looked shocked for a quick second and his face went almost white. "I don't... think so." He answered bluntly.

He truly didn't know what the hell was going on in his head. "That's okay." Keith said. "Let me know if I pry too much."

Keith put his hand over Lance's.

Lance looked at their hands and teared up.

The warmth of another person was just too much.

He couldn't understand why but he just started sobbing his eyes out.

That exact moment, Keith grabbed Lance into a hug and held him as tight as he could. "Hey hey... shh it's okay. It's okay."

The apartment door opened again and the three boys walked into this scene.

Being very worried for Lance everyone took off their shoes quickly and ran up to Lance.

"Lance buddy what's wrong?!" Hunk said.

Pidge stayed silent, almost tearing up a little.

Shiro joined the hug to hold Lance.

Shiro always knew deep inside that Lance had a problem but he wanted to give him time to talk.

Lance wasn't very true to himself most of the time anyways, he'd always just plaster a smile or a joke on everything.

"It's okay Lance we've got you." Shiro said assuringly.

"Talk to us.." Pidge said strictly but he was clearly tearing up.

Lance looked at everyone, he was mentally a complete mess so he has no idea how to start.

"It's so hard. I can't do anything without feeling like I'm not enough. I sleep and I sleep countlessly waiting for moment I wake up without feeling like a piece of nothing" he paused for a second a continued. "I don't want to be some fucking pitied emo kid. I don't want my parents to know anything. I hate walking around and feeling like I'm just a robot with no set goals. My body tries to fight to survive everyday but my mind wants to literally die every second." He caught a breath and started sobbing more. He covered his face and felt as if his chest was being stabbed over and over. 

Everyone looked at one another with extremely worried glances.

Lance painfully continued.

"Sometimes I wake up and I feel like everything is in black and white. There's no color in my life unless it's when I see Keith but everyone already knows that."

No one knew that but they weren't going to comment on it.

Keith started to tear up with a soft blush on his face. "Regardless of all of this.. I have no reason why I feel this way. There's no dark past. There's no problems in the family. I just can't understand why me out of all people could be in this situation--"

He was interrupted by Pidge. "Hey, that's no reason to be tough on yourself now. Many people don't know why they're depressed and that doesn't make their depression less than the next guy."

Lance nodded in agreement. "It's just tougher when there's no reason because I don't know how to heal it up. Usually when something makes me upset I can figure it out and confront it. When I try to confront this I literally can't breath and I start to panic. I lose my vision and I feel like I'll pass out."

Keith sighed and looked over at the bubbling boiling water that's been sitting there for a while. "You need to eat first. Let's get some energy in you and then let's all sit down and talk about how we feel, yes?"

"Let's get deep and eat ramen!" Hunk cheered. "We also got some bean paste buns if you want!"

"When I was little I stole this kids scooter. I just pushed him off. I'd hit him everyday and sometimes throw grapes at his face." Pidge said while pushing up their glasses. Lance gave out a weak chuckle.

"Yes Pidge, that's sooo deep." Shiro teased.

"HEY! I'll have you know I've been haunted by the fact that I was such a bully! I regret it so much." Pidge pouted, crossing his arms.

Shiro patted Pidge's head.

Lance felt a little calmer.

His eyes felt sore.

He didn't feel alone with them.

"Are we safe to talk about Lance's crush on Keith yet orrrrr?" Hunk pointed at both boys and Keith turned red.

"Zip it, Hunk!!! This isn't about that! Be quiet you!" Keith hissed, feeling absolutely flustered.

Lance flinched a little, trying to hide his red face but everyone just chuckled at his reaction. He was too tired to fight them off.

Once the giggles died down, everyone sat down on the floor with their ramen.

They had a table but they all preferred sitting on the pillows while eating.

It made them feel closer.

"This feeling isn't going to go away.." Lance said quietly. "I don't want to take medication for it either. And I personally don't want therapy... I just don't want it."

"I mean we are all already taking shifts on leaving you food and stuff" Hunk said casually.

"We'd never leave you alone without food. We always know when you need us and we'll never leave your side." He assured Lance.

There was a soft silence before Lance whimpered out "Thank you, guys."

"Thank you, Lance." Pidge said.

Lance looked at Pidge, confused, as to why he was getting thanked.

"For trusting in us." Pidge finished.

"For confiding in us" Shiro put in.

"For teaching us more about how you feel." Hunk added.

There was another soft silence...

"..For living.." Keith said, scratching the back of his head, with a peach colored blush on his face.

Everyone smiled and Lance just cried while eating his spicy ramen.

Lance cried so much that night.

The tears weren't stopping until dawn.

**"If I accept the sunshine and warmth, then I must also accept the thunder and lightning.” – Khalil Gibran**


End file.
